I Can Smell BS From A Mile Away

Universal B.S. Detector Watch: Full of Crap

The Universal Bullshit Detector Watch does not actually detect falsehoods. We didn't want to inconvenience the small percentage of readership that sometimes takes these trifles a tad too seriously. As a general rule, any electronic depicting a cow's arse is not worth one's emotional investment. But to each his own.

The $39.95 Universal Bullshit Detector Watch can tell time, but it can also make "moo" and "poo" noises at the touch of a button. According to the manufacturer, your friend will question from whence came the sound (and this is when you come in):

"Oh, my deepest apologies Philip. I seem to have left my bull...pfff...haha...one second...hahaha...I'm ok...I seem to have left...ooh, spit my milk a bit...I...I seem to have left my bullshit detector on!"

And then Philip will feel most foolish. – Mark Wilson

I hope someone can invent something this cool. Just image your sitting there and you girlfriend tells you yeah she is going out with the girls on Friday. But you super duper B's watch instructs you she actually set something up with that new guy in accounting at her work. So you catch her on the lie. You proceed to yelling and screaming then you lash out and scream I hope he is gay. Followed by lots or crying and weeping hopefully in a private place like you mom basement which you vacated just months prior lol. Well now you have all that time to get reacquainted with that trusty XBOX and don't need to spent any time with miss office hoe.

Ok I'm done with the rant now. But anyways I would to know anytime people are just B's you like art the dealers or when you buying a tv. I'm just looking for a tuned down version from my rant I would just like a beep so I can smack the person B's you.

-v

12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

So Here I am

New Blogger setup. I heard it cooler than Wordpress but will use both at least for now. Any thoughts or ideas you want me to write about just let me know. Its hard for me to get the initial creativity going but once i get it going I do alright.


-v