Kazakhstan Rules With A Iron Fist

My friend's uncle introduced him to a young lady that resides Kazakhstan. His uncle also lives there near Borat somewhere lol. So for months now they have been exchanging email and phones calls (thank god for voice over ip). They like each other and decided to meet. She went to the consulate and asked for a travel visa so she could come out here to visit him. They advised her that she can't do that. Here are her options she could come out here on a student visa, work visa, or a personal long lost friend program for lack of better words. She asked why she just could see a person she likes and wants to meet. They advised her that their number one priority is make sure she comes back to Kazakhstan. So my mom learned of this and decided to help. She got the paper work and filled everything out like she is her friend and blah blah blah. So this lady goes back there with all the paper work and they have an interview (interrogation). Everything goes well until he asks her if my mom has ever been to Kazakhstan and she replies no. Then after like three hours of being interviewed right after that question he dined her entry to the United States. Communist has long left that part of the world but everything is still done in the old ways. It will take at least 100 years for things to be more open and freer. For know she is stuck there and their is really no way she could come over now. But the kicker is that she has a young boy and her family there so she would obviously come back. For know it just sucks.

-Vadim

Lazy Man's Exercise

I love the iPlatform. If you are a fat bastard like me and refuse to exercise against doctors orders. We had one in the studio for a couple of months. I used to sneak off and use the machine on a daily basis for that time period. I noticed that I did not get sleepy after lunch like I always did before and had more energy for the evening activities. I wish we would still have it set up because I miss my energy. This exercise machine is so simple to use and a ton of fun. I think of it like a roller coaster get on and just hold on and let the machine do all the work. I also love all the attention this machine gets from the opposite sex. Every time we take it to a show it catches the women’s attention right away. I think women are just more health oriented than men are. I love how it’s just something fun to do like go on a swing or seesaw. I don' really care I'm working out I care more that I'm having fun with the gadget. I think this is the key to sticking with any exercise routine. If you are not having fun and it’s a chore to do your not likely going to do that for a long time.

A reply to: Kevin Sorbo Loves the iPlatform, What did Paris Hilton get for her birthday?

-Vadim

I Can Smell BS From A Mile Away

Universal B.S. Detector Watch: Full of Crap

The Universal Bullshit Detector Watch does not actually detect falsehoods. We didn't want to inconvenience the small percentage of readership that sometimes takes these trifles a tad too seriously. As a general rule, any electronic depicting a cow's arse is not worth one's emotional investment. But to each his own.

The $39.95 Universal Bullshit Detector Watch can tell time, but it can also make "moo" and "poo" noises at the touch of a button. According to the manufacturer, your friend will question from whence came the sound (and this is when you come in):

"Oh, my deepest apologies Philip. I seem to have left my bull...pfff...haha...one second...hahaha...I'm ok...I seem to have left...ooh, spit my milk a bit...I...I seem to have left my bullshit detector on!"

And then Philip will feel most foolish. – Mark Wilson

I hope someone can invent something this cool. Just image your sitting there and you girlfriend tells you yeah she is going out with the girls on Friday. But you super duper B's watch instructs you she actually set something up with that new guy in accounting at her work. So you catch her on the lie. You proceed to yelling and screaming then you lash out and scream I hope he is gay. Followed by lots or crying and weeping hopefully in a private place like you mom basement which you vacated just months prior lol. Well now you have all that time to get reacquainted with that trusty XBOX and don't need to spent any time with miss office hoe.

Ok I'm done with the rant now. But anyways I would to know anytime people are just B's you like art the dealers or when you buying a tv. I'm just looking for a tuned down version from my rant I would just like a beep so I can smack the person B's you.

-v

Vista Breaking Heads !

Check this out freshly borrowed from the 800lbs. Gorilla guys. This is funny so I decided to put it on my blog.

I'm Actually A Part Of Something

At work we are setting up a Gadget Panel. It's basically going to be a review site for new products. But the twist is that we don't really want them to tell us what the product does just what is there opinion of it and maybe what they could accomplish with it. We already have some cool people as our panelist. Dr. Vitale, Dick DeBartola, and Mr. Bicep to just name a few. Everything is being moderated by our Vice President of Direct Marketing Jared Tracy. Our CEO Alex Elnekaveh has huge input what goes into the production and manufacturing of our products. He is excited to see what people say about our products and the how they like to use them. I'm really excited to see where this buzz lands us. If I have anything else to say I will post it on one of my blogs.

-v

Gravity Defyer Shoes Are Making A Splash

The Gravity Defyer Shoes by Alexander Innovation Wizard are a hot item. They were a huge hit when debuted at the 2007 CES. Yes, shoes made their debut at the largest consumer electronics show. A crazy idea, but it actually makes sense, given the amount of time people spend on their feet.

See what people said about the shoes at the CES as well as what other bloggers and reporters have to say:

Read what GUTTERBOY said (humorous)
Read what turboGADGETS said
California Newswire
The Red Ferret says they “are straight off the ‘what the…?’ banana boat LOL
Investor’s Business Daily
Nothing to do with Arbroath
Dr. Joe Vitale has many good things to say not just about the shoes
The Gravity Defyer Shoes are wishlisted by someone on TheThingsIWant.com. Perhaps I’ll send him a pair
CrunchGear had their hopes up about defying gravity
MondoShoes had something to say too
Sys-con
Yahoo! Finance published the press release
Can you Digg it?
eNewsChannels
They even love it in India
The Ventury County Star picked up on the hot news!
So did the Dallas Morning News
Even EARTHtimes.org got in on the action


I was skeptical when months ago these shoes showed up at a project meeting and the CEO was enthusiastic about them. I did not see how the shoes fit into our product lines but started to see the benefit and WOW factor. Well it has been like six months later and I actually do own a pair which I regularly wear. The excitement at the CES 2007 really surprised me and made me believe further that this is a great product. Pretty much anyone who wears them likes them I have not yet seen a hater among us yet.

-v

I'll Have One Bourbon, One Scotch, and one Beer. - Geroge Thurgood

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-Catherine Zandonella

Non-Drinker: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
--Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
--Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

All right, Brain, I don't like you... and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson

This Is By Far Our Best Video Yet.

I think this video is good. The filming is great. It even has an entertainment factor to it.

We Finally Got Videos On our Site

Pardon the pun but this knife is the ultimate in “cutting edge” technology used now by professional chefs around the world. It’s not ordinary metal like other knives. Instead it’s made of shatterproof zirconium oxide so it’s guaranteed to never rust. When we say shatterproof we mean it. It’s almost as hard as a diamond! But that’s not all; this ultra sharp knife will hold its edge for years without a single sharpening. Perhaps the best part of our Ceramic Knife is the fact that it’s so hygienic. Its advanced high-density ceramic material prevents the breeding of bacteria, which professional chefs know is very important when cutting red meat and poultry. Light weight, perfectly balanced, easy to clean and dishwasher safe, our Ceramic Knife makes the perfect addition to the twenty-first century kitchen.


I just think it's so cool having these little product videos on gadgetuniverse.com. It gives it a better prospective of the product since you cannot really touch it yourself. Besides that it gives the website an entertainment factor which should keep people tuning in. I hope we can get all our products a short clip. This s a great idea in marketing so far I haven't seen companies using YouTube video to promote there products.
-v

White Friends or Russian Friends

WHITE FRIENDS: Never ask for food
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

WHITE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad.

WHITE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was
wrong.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked
up...but that shit was fun!"

WHITE FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you.

WHITE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget it's yours.

WHITE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

WHITE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

WHITE FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

WHITE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Are for life.

WHITE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had
enough.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,
"Bitch, you better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste!!"

WHITE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

WHITE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
RUSSIAN FRIENDS: Will forward this back to the person that sent it to them to prove who is better...so sent this to all your Russian friends and see how many u will get back.

-v

Definitions

-v

Guts or Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:

"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say:

"You're next."

This should clear up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

Purists Do Not Rejoice

Removable Tattoos Coming Next Year

How many people would get a tattoo if it didn't come with a lifetime commitment? I certainly would seriously consider getting inked if I didn't have to worry about being happy with my choice in 50 years. Scientists at a company called Freedom-2 LLC have developed an ink that can be removed with a single laser treatment, making it simple to remove when you decide you don't want that 30 Seconds to Mars tattoo anymore.

The fancy regret-free ink should be available to parlors early next year. Look for jokey, stupid tattoos to skyrocket by about 10,000,000%. –Adam Frucci

I'm not too sure whats the point of getting a tattoo if its not a lifetime commitment. If think if you decide to get one the decision should include the lifetime value. I have two tattoos one large one and a small one I will never consider removing them because they are a part of me and will discolor and age just like the rest of me. These tattoos will be for people who like to experiment
and are not to sure what they want. The only good side as I see it is that hard working tattoo artists will get more money and I'm all for that.

-v

Time Warner Cable Sucks

Time Warner gets fussy with DirecTV over "false advertising"

Posted Dec 16th 2006 9:26AM by Darren Murph
Filed under: HDTV, Home Entertainment

There's nothing like a warm, heartfelt lawsuit to really spread that holiday cheer, and we've got yet another battle in the courtroom about to get cranked up, and this time it's between rivals DirecTV and Time Warner. While TWC still can't claim the ability to offer the fledgling NFL Network on its cable systems, DirecTV felt the need to boast not only about its "superior coverage," but to also rub a little salt in Time Warner's wound by informing folks in NFL towns that games shown on the NFL Network "couldn't be seen" on Time Warner. Although the claims seem somewhat legitimate, Time Warner insists that "all eight games featured on the NFL Network will also be available to local fans over broadcast networks," which apparently wasn't the message being conveyed to pigskin-loving consumers. Regardless, DirecTV dug its hole a tad deeper by hiring Jessica Simpson to state that the firm's HD quality "beats cable," which is quite the laughable statement to anyone familiar with "HD Lite." In the end, however, we're sure the ads will be removed (or at least reworded), and the two firms will continue to bicker in future bouts, but what fun would it be if these two actually decided to get along, right?


OK Here I go, lately I've been lately hating Time Warner Cable. It all started when I moved to my new pace in Sherman Oaks. I had the Time Warner cable, phone, and Internet at my previous place. When I moved to my new place they told me I will need to get Adelphia for a little while and then they will change to Time Warner. When I had Adelphia everything was cool and worked good.

The real trouble started when I bought my dlp projection HDTV they told me to come . I waited for like 1 1/2 weeks for an appointment so they came and installed everything and the HDTV DVR box worked a whopping six hours then just died. I went to the Adelphia service center to get the box replaced and did so supposedly they did not have any HDMI cables which I requested but that was OKtomorrow. I came in on Saturday my day off and there was a huge line so i just decided to wait. I was there more than 30 mins so I get to the teller and she is like we do not supply HDMI cables. So I just got pissed off and left. I wasn't really too pissed off because later I talked to some people and some got one and some did not.

Recently my new box is having problems the sound keeps cutting off and its needs to be restarted which really sucks if you are recording a show. I went to the same service center know which is now named Time Warner finally. The teller told me that they don't have those boxes I have they have an older version called "moxi" don't quote me on the spelling. Which I know everybody who had one had to get it replaced for the new one that I have. Also those boxes require "professional installation" which requires an appointment. I told her I just want to exchange the box and that my schedule does not permit me being at home waiting for a repair man to show up. Her response was we done have any and we don't know when we will be some in January , February,etc. she would not give me an answer. She said that I could watch regular cable in the mean time.

The really pissed me off because I don't want to watch regular cable on a $2k HDTV also not to mention the extra fees associated with the HDTV channels. I bought the TV to watch HDTV period. I don't know which direction Time Warner is going with its customer service but definitely its not the right one. I'm actually contemplating switching to satellite.