12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

Purists Do Not Rejoice

Removable Tattoos Coming Next Year

How many people would get a tattoo if it didn't come with a lifetime commitment? I certainly would seriously consider getting inked if I didn't have to worry about being happy with my choice in 50 years. Scientists at a company called Freedom-2 LLC have developed an ink that can be removed with a single laser treatment, making it simple to remove when you decide you don't want that 30 Seconds to Mars tattoo anymore.

The fancy regret-free ink should be available to parlors early next year. Look for jokey, stupid tattoos to skyrocket by about 10,000,000%. –Adam Frucci

I'm not too sure whats the point of getting a tattoo if its not a lifetime commitment. If think if you decide to get one the decision should include the lifetime value. I have two tattoos one large one and a small one I will never consider removing them because they are a part of me and will discolor and age just like the rest of me. These tattoos will be for people who like to experiment
and are not to sure what they want. The only good side as I see it is that hard working tattoo artists will get more money and I'm all for that.

-v